the kids here in south africa have a random 3 week holiday (instead of summer they have a few short holidays throughout the year) and so we have been doing some new things for the past two weeks so far. the first week we were able to work at an orphanage where we helped to build some bunk beds for the kids and helped repair part of their playground. more importantly, we got to be with the kids. the stories of some of these kids makes you want to cry, and i did sometimes. there are about 25 orphans and many of them are HIV positive. it's so sad to hear the stories, but once you start to play with the kids, you soon forget about your past and their past, and all that matters is how high you can throw them or how many of them you can hold at one time. i got to hang out with anna a lot. she is seven years old. she was raped and mistreated as a child and now has HIV. one of the things that is very prevalent here in south africa is child rape because many people think that they will be cured of HIV if they sleep with a virgin, and what easier way to do that than to rape a child. it's horrendous. i had heard about this type of behavior but it didnt really register until i held anna in my arms and looked at her in the eyes and realized what had been done to her. as i heard the story of her past and watched her play, i couldn't help but get tears in my eyes. the tears were soon washed away with joy, though, as we ran and laughed and played and got tired. i'm excited to get to go back there this coming week and see how all my new friends are doing. there is not a shortage of kids in this world, but there is a huge shortage of love and care and acceptance that all kids need to grow and mature and stay healthy. i'm so thankful for people who have given there lives to take care of so many kids in orphanages and foster homes. there's still a need for so many more, though.
another things we've been able to do is help out with the organization of a Book of Hope warehouse. it was lots of hard work, but a good change for us. it was good to sweat a little and use our hands. we also helped with the loading and unloading of a shipment of clothes and food and other household items to be sent out into some of the villages.
this week, we've had a little time to relax and gear up for the next part of our trip. we met up with the other team that's here in south africa and had some great time hanging out with them. they left for swaziland yesterday, and we're leaving to go back to the orphanage tomorrow. we also had to learn how to conduct research while we're hear, which is something we might have to do. basically, it's kinda boring, but something that has to be done. in order to be most effective with Book of Hope, it's important to research different areas to see what the major issues are and also to see what kind of impact the ministry is having in a certain area.
so anyway, that's pretty much what we've been doing the last couple of weeks: manual labor, learning research skills, regrouping for the next part of the trip.
i'm learning a lot about the world and about myself and hopefully about God, and in light of easter, here's the random thoughts that are going through my head:
even though today was the sabbath, i woke up early not feeling very much at rest. my mind was racing, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past. i cannot even imagine what the disciples of jesus were thinking on this day about 2,000 years ago. they had just witnessed the Hope of Israel, maybe even the world, being crucified to death. they had left their families, their jobs, and their futures to put their trust in a man who was now dead. what now?
as i read this story this morning, i tried to put myself in their shoes (or sandals). it's kinda hard for me to do since i already know the sunday surprise. but there had to have been such a feeling of confusion, and fear, and doubt on that sabbath 2,000 years ago. i can picture the disciples sitting in a room filed with a heavy silence, except for the occasional deep sigh or sudden outburst of anger or tears. what would that have been like? i guess most of us have felt like our dreams have been shattered and our hopes dashed at one time or another, but that must have been intensely confusing.
i get confused sometimes. i don't understand a lot of thing, and this morning, i woke up feeling like i understood nothing. but as i read the account in luke of the death, burial, and resurrection of jesus, i was reminded about why i live. i remembered that this is what my life is about. this story is my life. it's all i need. and then i realized how easy it is for me to get involved in details and forget the big picture, the very reason for life and breath. my worries and fears and questions are so small compared to what the disciples were feeling that sabbath day, and i even know the sunday surprise and what happens at the end of this entire story (rev. 5:9-10).
as i began to ponder how the surprise has been ruined for me, i realized that instead, i have been ruined by the Surprise. the resurrection is the only reason i live, the only reason i dream, the only reason I'm "waisting" my life here in africa or anywhere else i live. this story has taken over my life. it will never be the same again. it has been "ruined" for the sake of christ (matt. 10:39). my life is not my own and never will be again.
in luke 23:56, i noticed how in the face of devastation, pain, and confusion, the disciples were still obedient. they went home and rested on the sabbath out of obedience to the law. and really, i think that's all God wants. he knows we will be unsure, confused, worried, scared, and doubtful at times. but all he asks for is obedience (john 14:23).
i've met this guy named Kristian since i've been here in south africa and have had the chance to talk to him a few times about his life and why he's here. he's from america but has felt the call of God to come to south africa. only a year ago, he was sitting in a crackhouse destroying his life with drugs. but soon after the Lord got a hold of his life and delivered him from all the junk he was in. i dont know if i've ever met anyone with such an unashamed joy of the lord as kristian has. i can see jesus on his face.
the other night as i talked with kristian, i learned a little more about him. i knew that he had been delivered from drugs, but i wasn't sure how or why he was here (he's a 40 year old, very successful, single american; he changed his name when he got saved a year ago). he told me (with reluctance and humility; i had to pry everything out of him; in other words, he wasnt boasting in what he had done) how he had come to africa, gone out to the squatter camps (very poor, temporary/makeshift villages), and felt the Lord calling him to live there. so he went home excited, only to find opposition to this decision. people were telling him that it was dumb or that he should think about it more. one of his close christian mentors, though, told him that it all came down to obedience. so with a little more prayer and confirmation from God, his decision was made. he sold all that he had (he's not poor either), and came back to africa in faith (this was only a few weeks ago).
many will say, that's too risky or foolish (I Cor. 1:28-29). but as kristian told me, it all comes down to obedience. his life has been ruined, lost, waisted, so that christ my live through him.
asi meditate on the story of jesus, i realize that he was obedient as well, even to the point of death (phil.2:8). just like my friend kristian, he gave up all he had and became poor (2 cor. 8:9) for our sake. i once read in a book, "people don't get crucified for helping the poor, but for joining the poor." both kristian and jesus know what it feels like to be rejected and mocked, having given up their former lives. jesus did it for kristian, and now kristian gets to do it for jesus. jesus did it for me, too, and anyone else who has labored through this much of the blog.
so, i'm not advocating the selling of all our possessions, though it certainly wouldn't be a bad thing. but i am hoping that all of us who are following christ will commit to obedience no matter how fooish it seems. jesus leaving his throne in heaven for a person like me seems pretty foolish to me.
may we not take lightly the sunday surprise that's already been ruined for us, but may we rather be ruined by the Surprise. happy easter!
and thanks for the love and prayers!
kyle
p.s. disclaimer: the reason i write personal stories and thought is in hopes that some might understand more deeply what i am going through. i suppose i could simply update on how many schools we've been to, how many books of hope we've handed out, how many churches we've ministered in, but i feel like stories hit home where statistics don't. i'd heard of the AIDS stats before i got here, but until i held anna in my arms, the girl who was brutally raped and mistreat, i did not understand. statistics, philosophy, and theology do not move my heart. stories do. i thik that's why jesus always told them. so, my apologies if you're more of a numbers person. i'll try better if i need to.

there's some photos of our team on this site:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/westwithjesus/